Monday, February 27, 2006

Whats Not Hot

I saw a girl on the MRT on the weekend with a copy of UK Glamour, the small- fit in your handbag type and I was green with envy. Rushed to the nearest 7/11 in desperate hope that I might find another copy but alas.. only Hot was available. Hoping that it would be a sister magazine of Heat which I bought religeously back at Uni I handed over my $3.50 for the trash mag.

Man was I wrong.

Instead of the usual pics of the glitzy and glamorous down the red carpet with a caption which might read as: 'Lindsay Lohan dazzles us once again in vintage Oscar de la renta' or something like that, I get pictures of Kitaro (I know!!-WHO?)looking like a magician in a crushed velvet black suit with a matching shimmery beige waist coat that wouldn't look out of place in a charity shop with tame lame caption reading 'HOw dull Hollywood would be without people like Kitaro to liven up its scene with his fabulously new-age music and bizarre (though entertaining!)fashion sense!

Oh please. Give me at least SOMTEHING worth reading in this magazine!

Ok, so I probably bought it in the first place because of the picture of Paris on the front so I looked for more piccies of our ditzy Ms.Hilton. What did I get?

The three page spread was about Rock Stars trying their hand at acting and vice versa. This is what was said about Paris:

Paris Hilton
Private sex tape star turned pop bimbo
Album: To be released in spring. The first single is 'Turn It On'
The Byline: She's got an album! Look on the bright side, looking at Paris shaking her STD-filled booty without much clothes on wouldn't be as convulsing since most of us have seen her in less.
The 2 cents singing test: Like anyone is even listening? Or looking? Or mistaking her name for a hotel in Paris?

Ok, I'm not her biggest fan, but STD-filled booty? I don't know where to begin on that one. Only that its judging her based on her 5 mins of fame and is obviously ignorant to the fact that that hotel in Paris? Is probably half hers anyway! GAAD!!!

The rest of the spread isn't much better. It makes sweeping remarks about movies/albums which haven't been heard or released yet. Most of the '2 cents singing/acting test' critiques begin with 'Hard to say..blah blah blah.' No wonder its hard to say?! It hasn't been released yet!

It doesn't stop there.

An interview with the Thirsty Traveller (that guy who jets around the world getting pissed on telly) which had questions like this:

Hows the liver doing?
[laughs] This is always the first question from South East Asian journalists. My liver is checked twice a year for insurance purposes...
So what does your wife think of your job?

The interview was shamelessly judgemental from start til finish.

Oh and to top all that - they slate their own Book of the Week!*slap forehead*. If I wanted bitchy snidey remarks about celebs there are dozens of Goss Rags on the Internet, who don't take the trash in trash mag literally. Reckon I can get my $3.50 back? xxW


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