Saturday, September 30, 2006

Funny People know everything.

Comedians. They get to stand up and talk about the things we all know deep down inside, yet find hilariously funny. Well, the good ones anyway.

On most stand-up nights its guaranteed that at least one of the acts will have something to say about relationships. Talented ones will deliver the goods and you leave the place with a slight ache in your belly from the laughter and also from the scarey insight and profound understanding of your male/female psyche - depending on the sex of the stand-up. Others will tell you the ones you've heard before like ' You know when a woman says she's fine she's really not and when you ask her what the problem is she goes - the problem is. You don't know what the problem is'. Come one folkes we've heard that one a million times. Half the number of times we've said it ourselves.

As a general rule I bring two things to read on the bus- lazy reading, usually in the form of a handbag sized Glamour/Cosmo/Grazia or London Lite, and proper reading, usually the book that I keep extending my borrowing period in the library that I can't seem to finish. Hang on, I'm getting back to my earlier point... bear with me... So in this month's edition of Glamour is a page titled 'What can Mr FUnny teach you about Mr Right?' I read on with anticipation and am found surprisingly enlightened as I step off and head for my morning chai.

Chris Rock: ' Been dating a guy for four months and not met his friends? Then you are not his girlfriend'
As if not being his girlfriend are the biggest of your worries?! You might just be dating a loser with no friends. Although, in all seriousness, I find this one to be true. I went out with a boy who had his close guy friends (I never heard about them, mind you) but, and get this, my girlfriend introduced me to his mates. Then his brother. Needless to say we broke up eventually..

Jonathan Ross: 'Men and women aren't the same species. It's a wonder we're allowed to breed. For men, sex is everything'
And they say women belong in the kitchen. hah.

Dylan Moran: 'When men are in love its like everything is nothing - tumbleweed'
The caption below this one tells me that men aren't as emotionally articulate as women who rationalise their feelings and so the man is left to bottle everything up and is swept away. Okay, someone tell me that I'm not the only one who can see the flaw in this one? When was the last time you were ever 'rationally' in love with anyone? That's beside the point though. Still, I don't believe this one to be true. I've met blokes who were utterly fluent in the language of lurve. Granted, articulating with diamonds never hurt a gal. *wink wink*

Frank Skinner: 'I don't think its possible to be friends with a person once you've seen their genitals'
This one made me giggle and smile at the poker faced eastern european lady sat next to me who either blinked or sneezed, I'm sill unsure. Being friends with an ex is an anomaly if a little dangerous. Generally we stay away from our exes as best possible. Whether it had to do with the reason why you dumped the person in the first place or the memory of their privates, its up to you.

Maybe its time us women folk sat up and listened to the other half of the species for once. Even when it seems like they're just kidding xxw

My Issues with Russell Brand

photo: http://www.russellbrand.com

Okay so for anyone outside the UK, I'm sure this guy just looks like some scruffy ex-male model who has taken ideas for posses from old take that/e17 /backstreet boys greatest hits cover. But don't be fooled by the chisled jaw, perfectly quiffed hair, shirt buttoned down just so cheesy pose - this man, Russell Brand, is hot hot hot.

Well. I think at least half the population of the country thinks so. The other half don't watch Big Brother. Since Russell Brand started presenting one of the Big Brother shows the man has turned into alternative sex/style-symbol extraordinaire. I believe that the man is the single driving force behind the skinny jeans revolution (for men - Kate has to answer for us trying to squeeze our sausage pins into them) and is perhaps also to blame for the mass chafe-age. G-String sales in the UK have increased by 30% since the drainpipes were in. For men. Now thats power.

Personally I couldn't quite get the hype although I could quite easily understand the attraction. How can you resist a man who looks like he doesn't give a toss about his brilliantly sky-high hair, still feels like a man even though he's got heels higher than the ballet pumps you're wearing, has the balls to wear a cardi whilst simultaneously fitting them into jeans worthy of a stick-thin 14 year old. I mean, just look at these!?



photo: http://www.russellbrand.com

photo: http://www.thedeco.co.uk

well.. okay. Personally, the comedian thing makes the man 100% more attractive. There you go.

So today you couldn't imagine my joy/embarassment/euphoria as I was innocently walking past HMV in Camden minding my 5'2'' line of vision when this giant mess of hair, pout and comic genius quite nearly bowls me over as he tries to escape the crowd.

Yup, I'm that easy to please. xxw

Friday, September 29, 2006

Wise words.

The weather is awful today and I've got the classic dilemma of figuring out what to wear. Is it cold? Is it cold enough for a jumper? Oh, sod it. So leave house in cardigan with oversized scarf and jeans.

Half way to bus stop and realise that a) its too cold for just the cardi b) it is going to rain c) I've left the brolly and finally neck is rather warm.

Cursing my first ill-choice (of clothing) for today I wait for the bus cooly plugged into my ipod so that I can pretend to tap my feet from the music even though the batteries died three days ago.

Reach Uni and thankfully it isn't crawling with freshers and I am free to get lost without having a fresher ask me directions when I too am equally as clueless. Ask the guys at the IT desk which way the workshop is and they tell me to check my timetable. The convo goes like this:

Me: Hi. Can you tell me where the workshop is?
ITguy: Check your timetable.
Me: No no, the workshop where I can make some models.
ITgirl: The other students just use the studio space.
Me: I see, but I'm looking for the workshop. You know, the one with all the wood cutting machines in.

ITguy then proceeds to tell me some long convoluted way of getting there (which was simply the basement - go down the stairs until there aren't any more and you're there, love - would have sufficed paly.) So I pretend to understand as I quickly make my exit as hot scarf begins to choke me and I begin to glow profusely.

Finally get things sorted and make way home on the 274 which I have decided is the best bus route in London. Sit at the back of the bus and Kyle makes passing comment about French film in paper. Man sat in front of us who couldn't be any more french if he was in a stripey shirt with a string of garlic, with shaggy Gerard Depardieu do still smoking a fag reading a book in french - has rant about film being the best film in European film-making history and says:

Perhaps you better go watch karate kid.


Classic.

Trudge through Camden running errands stepping quickly into the chinese medical hall for some Wolfberry Fruit - well, if its good enough for Kate and Gwynnie, its good enough for me. Heck, £1.50 for eternal youth in the form of a raisin? Bargain.


Wolfberry Posted by Picasa

As we're walking home Kyle says:

It would be great when we get home for the rain to pour down while we're indoors and dry.

So what happens? The rain pre-empted us and decided it wasn't going to wait until we were inside. Run home cursing scarf once more as it turns into magnet for that lovely acidy london precipitation.

The moral of the story?

Should have stayed in bed. xxw


My boys, home and dry... Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Strap your boots on, we're in for a ride.

24 flat viewings, as many dodgy estate agents, 3 return journeys, tears and tantrums, 2 trips to Ikea, 2 interviews, 2 offers, 5 trips to the admissions office, 1 acceptance, 1 (tough) decline, 1 trip to Chesterfield, more tears and tantrums, 3 times I've been down walking by the canal into town I was sure I was going to get mugged or pass out from the smell of human waste, 1 comedy night, 2 and a half pounds spent on membership - so I'll have to go back, 5 attempts to go running, 2 succesful, 1 unsigned gym membership, 5 coursemates, 2 tutors, zilch sympathy for doing an MA at the Uni no one really knows leading to yet more tears, trantrums and endless bad telly later and here I am.

So its been a while since I last updated so I am going to assault you with some choice photos. Yipee!

Hugs, xxw.

p.s The top one here being the latest one. Enjoy :)

Catherine and Kyle Posted by Picasa

Vivian, Me and Victoria at Boulevard Brasserie Posted by Picasa

On the way to Victoria's birthday.. Posted by Picasa

John walking us around his back yard...  Posted by Picasa

Kyle and Tully in Chesterfield.. Posted by Picasa

Picnic in the park. Don't talk to me about global warming right now - all I can hear is Indian Summers and picnics. :) Posted by Picasa

Still in awe about how close Regents park is so close to my house! The penguins at London Zoo better watch out. I think perhaps this time I won't try taking Molly out for a 'walk'. Posted by Picasa

'Pull a face you two!' (is what you think I might have said.) Posted by Picasa

Night out with mates at Favela Chic.. I think at this point the DJ is playing some Russian Folk music. Photo op! Posted by Picasa

Good to be back! Notting Hill Carni never fails. Love it. Posted by Picasa

Home away from home in Thary Farm Posted by Picasa

View from the Tate Modern. Still love this view over the bridge... Posted by Picasa

They don't call it A Bigger Bang for nothing. When I'm an OAP I hope I have as much stamina as these lads. Posted by Picasa

Ooo the anticipation!! Posted by Picasa

Outside Twickers just before the gig and a very excited Kyle.. Posted by Picasa

Hoo! I'm a Souulll Mannnn... I was thisclose to Lemar. Posted by Picasa